Working With Others

"Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer... So cooperate; never criticize [Doctors and ministers who may help us find prospects].
Page 89

"If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him."

"If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything..."
Page 90

"Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure."

"If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture."
Page 91

"And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can-- if he is not too alcoholic."

"Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that He does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him."

"Don't raise such [theological] issues, no matter what your own convictions are."
Page 92

"Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people a head of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn't see you again if he doesn't want to."

"Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people . Do not contradict such views."
Page 94

"Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay , let him steer the conversation in any direction he like. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once, and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection."

"If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us."
Page 95

"Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else."
Page 96

To Wives

"Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill."
Page 108

"Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. If he gets the idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of accomplishing anything useful may be zero."

"Do not set your heart on reforming your husband. You may be unable to do so, no matter how hard you try."

"Your husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience. This may lay the groundwork for a friendly talk about his alcoholic problem. Try to have him bring up the subject himself. Be sure you are not critical during such a discussion."
Page 111

"If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. Avoid urging him to follow our program." (Dealing with husband Number Two)

"If he does not, you will probably not have long to wait. Again, you should not crowd him. Let him decide for himself. Cheerfully see him through more sprees. Talk about his condition or this book only when he raises the issue. In some cases it may be better to let someone outside the family present the book. They can urge action without arousing hostility. (Dealing with husband Number Three)
Page 113

"Next he [the employee] can be assured that you do not intend to lecture, moralize, or condemn; that if this was done formerly, it was because of misunderstanding. If possible express a lack of hard feeling toward him."
Page 142, To Employers

"When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself."
Page 143, To Employers