An extensive discussion ensues on Pages 104-107, listing a wide variety of experiences and feelings common to wives of practicing alcoholics and others close to them: legal and financial trouble, social isolation, domestic quarrels, infidelity by one or both spouses, broken promises, hope of recovery repeatedly dashed by more sprees. There is a series of questions that wives may have asked themselves, reflecting the upset and confusion many of them have felt. "These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband. We hope this book has answered some of them. Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated." (Page 108) In describing some of the alcoholic wives' experiences, fears and frustrations, the woman reading this chapter may see her own story in it and then embrace the proposed solution which follows, much as the alcoholic himself read the early chapters, then adopted the program of recovery outlined in this book. In fact, this chapter could be seen almost as a spiritual program for the wife of the alcoholic, beginning with an attempt to carry the message to her ailing husband, adopting a spiritual way of life with or without him, and should he recover, practicing these principles with in their domestic and other affairs.

It is emphasized repeatedly in this chapter, as in earlier ones, that the alcoholic is a sick man and should be treated as such. The implicit assumption here is that despite her suffering and her own need for spiritual principles (discussed later), the wife is the healthy, responsible partner in the marriage. She is thus called on to try to bring the message of recovery to her husband, and to show tolerance and understandnig as she does so. "Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill." (Page 108) This is precisely the same advice given the alcoholic himself regarding anger toward others in Fourth Step Prayer. There is an explicit warning, however, not to let the alcoholic take advantage of this tolerance if he has truly bad intentions, lest he ruin the lives of the wife and children.

The authors outline four categories husband based on drinking pattern, one of which may roughly fit the current situation. The first type of husband is a heavy drinker or potential alcoholic (Page 20-21), and the other three classes of drinkers are real alcoholics in various states of decline. Approaching a type one husband is perhaps most difficult. The authors repeat the above advice to avoid anger and add suggestions reminiscent of Working With Others not to preach to or pressure the alcoholic:

	The first principle of success is that you should  
	never be angry. Even though your husband becomes  
	unbearable and you have to leave him temporarily,  
	you should, if you can, go without rancor. Patience  
	and good temper are most necessary.  

	Our next thought is that you should never tell him  
	what he must do about his drinking. If he gets the  
	idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of  
	accomplishing anything useful may be zero. He  will  
	use  that  as  an  excuse  to  drink  more. (Page 111) 

It is recommended that the wife approach the second type of husband using many of the same principles outlined for the first type. He may be more receptive after a binge, and might be interested in the book. Perhaps being skeptical of the spiritual remedy, might see the need after reading the chapter on alcoholism. "If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. Avoid urging him to follow our program. The seed has been planted in his mind." (Page 113) Similar advice is given in Working With Others (Page 94) Repeated drinking bouts may convince him to act.

Husband number three likely to wants to stop. He may or may not be enthusiastic, but is sure to read the book and may want to begin work immediately. If not "you should not crowd him. Let him decide for himself. Cheerfully see him through more sprees. Talk about his condition or this book only when he raises the issue." (Page 113) One is reminded of this suggestion from Step Four: "We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend." (Page 67) The wife, assumed to be the healthy and balanced partner in the marriage, is again asked to have the same tolerance of others' shortcomings that the alcoholic needs to practice in his own recovery. The suggestion that the wife have patience while the alcoholic decides to follow through with the program is also recommended in Working With Others.

The fourth type of drinking husband is far from hopeless, despite his precarious condition. A good doctor or psychiatrist should be consulted to see if he is too impaired by alcohol or has complications that are serious enough to prevent recovery. "If he is already committed to an institution, but can convince you and your doctor that he means business, give him a chance to try our method, unless the doctor thinks his mental condition too abnormal or dangerous." (Page 114) The wife is once more warned not to be fooled or disregard her own welfare: "Some men cannot or will not get over alcoholism. When they become too dangerous, we think the kind thing is to lock them up, but of course a good doctor should always be consulted." (Page 114) Again, just as the alcoholic's recovery does not depend on getting back with his wife (Page 99-100), the wife will benefit from a spiritual way of life whether or not the marriage is saved, and whether or not the husband stops drinking. Though it is not explicitly stated, it is probably true that like the alcoholic, the wife's real dependence is on God, not her husband or others.

The wife of a practicing alcoholic often withdraws from society, friends and family out of fear, embarrassment and shame. Thus, the wife may be as lonely as the alcoholic himself. These reactions are avoidable. She should discuss with others the nature of her husband's illness and that he is a sick man. Calmly discussing such delicate matters is somehwhat analogous to taking a Fifth Step, though the authors do not explicitly make this comparison. Indeed doing so has these results that can be seen as Promises:

	When you have carefully explained to such people  
	that he is a sick person, you will have created a new  
	atmosphere. Barriers which have sprung up between  
	you and your friends will disappear with the growth  
	of sympathetic understanding. You will no longer be  
	self-conscious or feel that you must apologize as  
	though your husband were a weak character. He may  
	be anything but that. Your new courage, good nature  
	and lack of self-consciousness will do wonders for you 
	socially.  (Page 115)  

Attention then turns to the wife's use of spiritual principles. "If God can solve the age-old riddle of alcoholism, He can solve your problems too. We wives found that, like everybody else, we were afflicted with pride, self-pity, vanity and all the things which go to make up the self-centered person; and we were not above selfishness or dishonesty... Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives." (Page 116) ["Practice these principles in all our affairs"] "We urge you to try our program, for nothing will be so helpful to your husband as the radically changed attitude toward him which God will show you how to have." (Page 117)

If the husband does recover, problems will not disappear overnight. "You will make mistakes, but if you are in earnest they will not drag you down. Instead, you will capitalize them. A better way of life will emerge when they are overcome." (Page 117) Some of the potential traps are irritation, hurt feelings and resentments. Arguments can be dangerous, especially to the husband. The wife must sometimes take the initiative to try to avoid them. But the authors do not ask the wife to forget her own interests: "We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion. Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit." (Page 117) Such cooperation in the marriage is not a one-way street: "If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention." (Page 118) The husband owes more than sobriety, an idea expressed in Step Nine (Page 82), but the wife should not expect too much. The advice given to the wife is similar to that intended for the alcoholic himself: "Patience, tolerance, understanding and love are the watchwords." (Page 118) sounds a great deal like "love and tolerance of others is our code." (Page 84, Step Ten) The authors continue, "Show him these things in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from him. Live and let live is the rule. If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other." (Page 118) In this passage we see a greater emphasis on teamwork and partnership than before. The authors do not seem to envision a permanent situation in which the wife must be ever mindful of her husband's delicate emotions.

The authors share more A.A. experience with wives of alcoholics on what may happen as the husband begins following the path. Even after solving the liquor problem, the husband may not live up to the ideal that some women may have envisioned. They counsel patience, as above, for he is "just beginning his development." (Page 118) Another potential source of trouble is the wife's resentment that her efforts and love over the years could not cure her husband, where this book and another alcoholic solved the problem in a short period. The wife is reminded that alcoholism is an illness over which she was powerless, as her husband was. The suggestion to the wife in these cases begins with an idea familiar to the alcoholic himself: "When resentful thoughts come, try to pause and count your blessings. After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an undreamed-of future." (Page 119) The wife may also become jealous of the attention he gives to other alcoholics, feeling that his time should be reserved for her and the family. But it should be kept in mind that working with others is necessary to his recovery. "We suggest that you direct some of your thought to the wives of his new alcoholic friends. They need the counsel and love of a woman who has gone through what you have." (Page 119) This is not unlike the advice given to the alcoholic in Step Ten to find someone to help when dishonesty, resentment, selfishness and fear crop up. (Page 84) Husband and wife can cooperate in helping others, as they do in repairing the marriage: "Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others. You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out. Inevitably your lives will be fuller for doing so. You will lose the old life to find one much better." (Page 119-120) This passage reminds one of the opening paragraphs of Working with Others, which tell of the happiness that comes from contact with newcomers.

Sometimes the husband will have a relapse after beginning the program. If he appears to be sincere, the wife need not be alarmed. He may redouble his spiritual efforts and get back on track. Showing fear or intolerance in this situation could provide an insanely trivial reasons to drink. Any effort to shield him from temptation will be noticed, and as we have seen from the previous chapter, it is of no use. (Page 101) The wife should not take responsibility for her husband's recovery: "If he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself. God has either removed your husband’s liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands." (Page 120)

To Wives ends its outline of a spiritual program for the wife with a fond farewell that is similar to that found at the end of the Great Fact on Page 164: "So to you out there who may soon be with us—we say 'Good luck and God bless you!'" (Page 121)